Wednesday, January 13, 2010

January 13, 2010

Ahhhh, finaly able to roll with the flow, things don't seemnearly as complicated right now. I did comitt all things previously blogged about to prayer. One thing at a time got a little less complicated, and I am improving mentally, physically, mentally, and Godly. No, I am not becoming more Godly, just hanging around with my Father more!!

As of today, gary and I will leave sometime next week to go get Chris, our oldest and his wife who is expecting! Chris has some sort of car that he needs to get here (he needs a sr22, every state has this) but he has a suspended license, so that is making it difficult. But, like I said before, it's getting less complicated!

I have lost some weight. I am praising God (only) for this miracle! Truly it's been years since I have experienced the scale going down for once instead of gaining or stahying the same! I got on the scale this morning (yes, naked!) and saw a number I was very unfamiliar with!! i took the chance and wuickly hopped back on (something i would never do-thinking I would jinx it, or see anumber that wasn't really there.) But, I was not mistaken, I had seen it right!!

This time it seems so easy. Last fall I thought I had it in the bag...the weight would slike off, I would have it figured out, etc. I excercised 42 miles in just a little over 4 weeks. I have it well documented! Nope,not one pound lost. None gained, but none lost either.

While Caitlyn was in the bookstore looking around, I decided to vernture over "diet" section. I really didn't have a whole lot of hope, not in the authors, but even my Bible Study that had been so helpful, had not worked. I am VERY serious! I had to commit to excercising, memory verse work, Bible Study, Bible reading, and commiting to doing this thing. The study PROMISED I would lose weitht. With God and my commitments, how could l lose at losing? I did it faithfully. I have it documented and things down in a spiritual journal, and those of you thatknow me, know that I made sure I prayed about it!

SURPRISE, i didn't lose even one pound. How could that be? I mean seroiusly. Frustration did set in, I would be lying if I said otherwise. But, still I prayed. I didn't know what else to do. Over Christmas, New Years, and my daughter's 14th birthday which happens to fall on New Year's, I promised myself to pay VERY close attention to what I ate. I was afraid that having that yummy stuff even in the house would make me gain a pound or 2.

Then there was the trip to the bookstore. We spent a VERY long time in there. I had lots of time to browse through the "diet" books that I was sure didn't have much to offer me, I had already tried with God and I was still not losing any weight. I avoided the scale like the jplague, I had had enough of it. And probably didn't weigh for at least a month, until today. My friend asked me yesterday "Michelle, you look the healthiest I have seen in 10 months, did you lose weight?" I didn't really have an answer (I was avoiding the scale), but I did tell her that I was trying to get healthy for me. (see previous blogs about who I was doing this for), and that maybe I had some advancements in the "mental" department!

With sheer terror and frustration I got on the scale. I was afraid to open my eyes, I'm being serious! I saw the number. Hopped off, said a quick prayer thinking that my eyes had played a ver sad trick on me), and got back on, still much afraid of what I might see. I can't tell you how much weight I have lost, the scale has not been my friend, but I can safely say that I have not been under the 150 mark in years. I was well over 160 when I moved here 4 years ago. And I don't even remember being below 150 for many years. But, today I was well under 150 and just to see the 4 between the 1 and the 0 was enough to make me praise God.

Monday, January 11, 2010

January, 11, 2010

I will take a break from my "lifestyle" cahnge blog and blog about my oldest son. Acrually as tired as I seemed to be when my children were younger, I long for those days again. I don't think things get any harder really as they get older, but what I do think goes on is that they get sooo much more complicated.

I found out on my Birthday (after a few hours of texting my son (It started out as a text to tell me "Happy Birthday"! Let me stop here for a few moments. Number 1-Even if I wanted to "talk" to my son and not text, that would be impossible to do because he "runs" (I am not sure who he calls to run out his "talking" minutes.), out of "talking" minutes, and when I do call to talk, I get "Hi, please text because I have no more minutes left". Therefore if I want to communicate with him, I have to text. Number 2, If you are not familiar withtexting on phones here's a couple of things. First I don't like "codes" of any kind, so I purchased a phone that \has a mini kepboard on it so it would be easier for me to figure out. Second, even though I have the keyboard I am still as slow as molasses in the winter. So, when I say I texted for a few hours, I still didn't get to textmuch or get much in the way of information. Number 3, I have a phone company that is not conected with his at all. So, I will be texting away and hit send and then I get the following message, "The person you are texting willnot receive your text in it's entirety because you are not with the same company". You have to be kidding!?!?

So, I have to redo some of my texts due to the previous reasons above, and finally found out that my son and his fiancee are getting married in 3 days (Dec. 18th). Then I was asking him about his girlfriend, she had had the flu almost all Nov. so I proceded to ask him how she was. He acted surprised at the question. (it went something like this: Me-How's Angel, Dad said she was pretty sick last month? Chris-ummm, sick? Me-(repeated the question onemore time), There was a long pause about 20 or so minutes. i was confused at the long pause because he had been quick to answer until that point. So, I texted him something like-"Should I be expecting a grandchild soon? Antoher pretty long pause. The not knowing was about to kill after another 20 or minutes, I texted him "I will take that long pause a yes. He texted back "Yeah, she is....."

That's how I found out that I had a grandchild on the way. I found out about my new daughter, and my grandbaby all on my birthday, what a day!!

Chris has been a diffucult child. yes, he knows that. Now, due to some "soap opera happenings in CO and with the grandmother that raised our new daughter it looks like they will need to move here!! I am so excited and so petrified all at the same time. He does not have a real easy to find here and in this economy huh, yeah maybe not so much. i prayed for bridgs to be crossed, and I have seen some major changes in my son, but wow, so complicated. Chris has a car that needs to be brought here, I was going to go get him, but he does not have a driver's license, or insurance for the car......I have given him enough money. I will give him love forever! So, to figure out what to do, what to do, what to do........

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

January 5, 2010

Ok, well I got through December! Let me tell you it wasn't that easy!! Learning a lot, finding out that good stress can tire you as easily as bad, and adding two new members to the family....Did I mention turning janoter year older, my son another year older....

So here I am in January. As some of you may know, I am trying to lose weight and I have been trying since September. Not working. So, then I had to figure out why. Sometimes that's not easy and when it comes down to owning up to the "why" that isn't much fun, or easy either!! How is it that I can raise 2 grown sons, and have my 2 daughters in middle school, and let my "schooling" go right out the window. I'l give you such an example. Reading some books and doing research on Diabetes, and weight loss, at the very beginning of the book it asks me a couple of the following questions:

1. Do you have self reguard? (Does that have something to do with crossing the street by myself?)

2. Do you have self assurance?

3. Who are you losing weight for? (my husgand, my kids were all wrong answers!)

A few "have to's were also listed:

1. Organizaation is key. (Has anyone seen my van keys?)

2. You ust have structure.

As you can tell by some of my comments, if this was a test in school I would not have passed. So, I had to send myself back to school. I pulled out my oldest daughters "Children's dictionary", I mean we are talking about going back to elementary school. I had to look up the words "regard", "commitment", "peace" (did you know the synonym for peace is "calm"?), and about 7 other words. So mujch for me bragging about my excellent grades in English class.

So, now I am moving along. I want to control my time, as I have let time control me, and I must love myself enough to stick to this new lifestyle, and get healthy...because, seriously, I deserve it. Better get to doing my reading, orgainziaing my day tomorrow, and putting structure back into my life.....

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Dec. 31, 2009

So Chris, my oldest turned 24 yesterday--his wifeturned 20 today--Caitlyn turnes 14 tomorrow. But, I wrote about that yesterday. I will blog about my new year's resolution. I hate them I am ADD when it comes to making comittments. I am good for.....maybe one day, and in some things that's pushing it.

I don't know why comitting to daily things is so hard for me. Its just another reason I hate the end of year and feel guilty that I haven't done enough!

Spiritually i did great in 2009. Emotionally, mentally, physically, and health wise not so good. My bum leg has had a lot to do with it....I HATE beingo off of it and have gotten into trouble because my leg is swoolen because I choose not to keep it up as much as I should. (that could be its own topic for another blog for later in itself.) I know, I should be very grateful I have both of my legs intact! I tend to 'cruise' along, not paying atention to my diabetic diet, eating what and when I eat, and just do my own thing. I must figure out how to make a true comittment to myself. I love taking care of others. Thats why I have 4 children and don't mind that they are spread out over 12 years. If it was just Chris and Greg, we would have been done by now. But, I am sooo glad that I still have Caitlyn and Jenny. But, they are getting very independant and don't need me as much as they did.

I have belonged to "FlyLady" and online organizational tool on the internet. FLY stands for Finally Loving Yourself. finally loving yourself enough to take of your home, gamily, andyourself. Why is it so hard forme to love myself. Most people will tell you that you can't love others until you love yourself. i disaagree, or I am an exception to the rule. I love to love others. Not so easy to love myslef.

But, it's time for a change. I must ake care of me. Starting with my diet. It has to be completely revamped, I must add excercise, and get my A1C down, my cholesterol, and need to love myself enough to make it a lifetime comittment. so much for a New Year's resolution. The wasiest way to attempt this is to take it in small chunks at a time. Breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, and stop eating right after supper. So, there it New Year's Resolution....that must turn into a lifetime comittment and change. Do I have any cheerleaders out there that would like to encourage me?

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Dec. 30, 2009

I really don't like the end of the year. Not just this year, but any year. I try not to reflect on the past year, but somehow I always do. Makes me sad, like I didn't accomplish enough, do enough, and the list could go on and on. It doesn't help that my oldest daughter turns a year older every Jan1st. I am one of those moms who really doesn't enjoy her children growning older, but at the same time, I don't want them to know that and i on't want my friends to know. The whole idea of having children is to prepare them for the future, to make their own decisions, spread their wings and fly....It's just hard for me to let go.

Today my son turned 24, tomorrow is my new daughter in love's birthday, and Jan. first is Caitlyn's. I wonder what it's like in heaven with ALL eternity behind me and in front of me....I hope I am young enough to enjoy it all! Ha, ha.

I have babied my leg since March. and a second wound on the back since mid October, gained a daughter, and have a granchild on the way. I have also begun my careet as a volunteer for the CPC center in Prescott. My goal is to become a counselor for mom's facing an unplanned pregnancy. i have also come out missing another a cancer scare. Why is it that good stress sucks out the energy just the same as bad stress?

My 24 year old son married his longtime girl friend. They got married on Dec. 18th. On Dec. 15th (my birthday (which really made me another year older) because I am the mom of 4 children, and can sense things, I asked my son if his wife-to-be was carrying my first grandchild. After 20 mintes of no reply (we were texting) I said something to the effect that I considered the long "pause" in our "conversation" a yes. Mymother's instinct (and now my Grandmother instinct!) was right on.

I had to choose as to how I would respond to this news. First, a baby created by God, that in and of itself was enough to fall in love right away! My son and his fiancee have been talking about marriage since that wasn't too surprizing..just didn't have a firm date. We all really, really like this young woman and has been a miracle for our son to have met her. They wanted the baby all along although it's going to arrive less than 38 weeks after they were married. Our son has had difficulty growing up and has made some very major mistakes that's he's going to have to pay for for quite some time. I also must mention that I have been praying for his wife for nearly 24 years, and feel that god has answered quite well. He's so excited to have such a wife and so excited to have this baby on the way. I am grateful we didn't have to go through the adoption route or or the aborion route. For that I am more than grateful. It's taken me some time to soak all this in and might take a little more time as well.

My "big"change that I was so excited aobut in September-ish as usual fell flat on it's face. I wanted to love myself enough to really get my diabetes on track and lose weight. I have a very big God so why do I rely so much on food. I hate it. As you can probably tell I hate change of almost any kind. So, I hate making new year's resolutions, and am going to convice myself that this not a new year's resolution, but a life change, that I am going to take one day at a time. We'll see what the end of next year brings.......

Friday, December 11, 2009

December 11, 2009

Just when I started getting used to Greg moving out, getting a temporary daughter (she went home yesterday), and just sitting down to organize all our December events, God grants me a surprise? Why am I surprised? Rally, by now I should know that just when I think i have a handle on the present God stops and says, rather loudly so He doesn't have to reapeat Himslef (as I have a sreious case of senioritis) "Uh Hem...Michelle, SURPRISE". I should have known, no really I should have known.

Here's the background to this story. My grandfather (My mom's dad) waa born Dec. 24th. it was an awesome celebration, not Christmas Eve, but Granddad's Birhtday. We had lots of soup, clam chowder for G'dad as he loved it, especially my mom's! I was born in Denver Dec. 15th, and met my adoptive parents Dec. 21 when they took me home right after a fresh snow storm. (that's CO) Gary and I got married and so that added G'ma Dee's B-day on Dec. 13th. (Do you see a pattern here? If not stay tuned a little longer!) That would be Gary's moms' birthday. Also when we got married we added Gary's brother Mike's birthday (Dec. 16th) and a cousin on Dec. 14th. (Now, hang in there just a little longer, because it gets evn better! Several years after we were married we added Garys youngest brother's wedding anniversay on Dec. 22. Ooops, a couple of years before Gary's brohter got married our oldest son Chris was born....the date? Glad you aksed...Dec. 30th.

Gary's brother Mike married his wife Faith in 1993. Bedsides Mike's birthday, his wife brought with her her son Kent born Dec. 27th. My brohter, having all birthdays in the spring, decided that they too needed a reason to celebrate in Dec. so they added their oldest daughter on Dec. 27th, also! Now, Seriously, what is the coldest month of the year, lets count backwards from let's say Dec. 15th (it's in the middle of the month, 38 weeks backwards gets us to.......) Gary's youngest brother added their first child, a son on.....Dec. 15th....OK, OK that's enough now. Can you bear with me a few more minutes, I really need to get this off my chest.....(I'd put it on my calendar, but there's not a day that isn't full...)So, then our beautiful daughter arrived Jan. 1st, (yes, you are right it's in Jan. but, count backwards from my oldest son's birthday.....). Chris announced his engagement pretty much while we were there in July....but things needed to be a little more firmed up then...Gary got a text today (this is where God said "Surprise!" to me earlier today). Chris' text to his dad....."Getting married on Dec. 18th"!!! Her name is wonder her Birthday is Dec. 28th, two days before Chris'. Really i should have known.......

So, for now, Jesus has his own special day in our family....maybe i whould start praying very early (now) before we have grandchildren, I am likely to gorget a birthday here and there....

Deacember 10, 2009

Ummm....Too busy today to blog.....