Dec. 30, 2009

I really don't like the end of the year. Not just this year, but any year. I try not to reflect on the past year, but somehow I always do. Makes me sad, like I didn't accomplish enough, do enough, and the list could go on and on. It doesn't help that my oldest daughter turns a year older every Jan1st. I am one of those moms who really doesn't enjoy her children growning older, but at the same time, I don't want them to know that and i on't want my friends to know. The whole idea of having children is to prepare them for the future, to make their own decisions, spread their wings and fly....It's just hard for me to let go.

Today my son turned 24, tomorrow is my new daughter in love's birthday, and Jan. first is Caitlyn's. I wonder what it's like in heaven with ALL eternity behind me and in front of me....I hope I am young enough to enjoy it all! Ha, ha.

I have babied my leg since March. and a second wound on the back since mid October, gained a daughter, and have a granchild on the way. I have also begun my careet as a volunteer for the CPC center in Prescott. My goal is to become a counselor for mom's facing an unplanned pregnancy. i have also come out missing another a cancer scare. Why is it that good stress sucks out the energy just the same as bad stress?

My 24 year old son married his longtime girl friend. They got married on Dec. 18th. On Dec. 15th (my birthday (which really made me another year older) because I am the mom of 4 children, and can sense things, I asked my son if his wife-to-be was carrying my first grandchild. After 20 mintes of no reply (we were texting) I said something to the effect that I considered the long "pause" in our "conversation" a yes. Mymother's instinct (and now my Grandmother instinct!) was right on.

I had to choose as to how I would respond to this news. First, a baby created by God, that in and of itself was enough to fall in love right away! My son and his fiancee have been talking about marriage since July..so that wasn't too surprizing..just didn't have a firm date. We all really, really like this young woman and has been a miracle for our son to have met her. They wanted the baby all along although it's going to arrive less than 38 weeks after they were married. Our son has had difficulty growing up and has made some very major mistakes that's he's going to have to pay for for quite some time. I also must mention that I have been praying for his wife for nearly 24 years, and feel that god has answered quite well. He's so excited to have such a wife and so excited to have this baby on the way. I am grateful we didn't have to go through the adoption route or or the aborion route. For that I am more than grateful. It's taken me some time to soak all this in and might take a little more time as well.

My "big"change that I was so excited aobut in September-ish as usual fell flat on it's face. I wanted to love myself enough to really get my diabetes on track and lose weight. I have a very big God so why do I rely so much on food. I hate it. As you can probably tell I hate change of almost any kind. So, I hate making new year's resolutions, and am going to convice myself that this not a new year's resolution, but a life change, that I am going to take one day at a time. We'll see what the end of next year brings.......