Wednesday, January 13, 2010

January 13, 2010

Ahhhh, finaly able to roll with the flow, things don't seemnearly as complicated right now. I did comitt all things previously blogged about to prayer. One thing at a time got a little less complicated, and I am improving mentally, physically, mentally, and Godly. No, I am not becoming more Godly, just hanging around with my Father more!!

As of today, gary and I will leave sometime next week to go get Chris, our oldest and his wife who is expecting! Chris has some sort of car that he needs to get here (he needs a sr22, every state has this) but he has a suspended license, so that is making it difficult. But, like I said before, it's getting less complicated!

I have lost some weight. I am praising God (only) for this miracle! Truly it's been years since I have experienced the scale going down for once instead of gaining or stahying the same! I got on the scale this morning (yes, naked!) and saw a number I was very unfamiliar with!! i took the chance and wuickly hopped back on (something i would never do-thinking I would jinx it, or see anumber that wasn't really there.) But, I was not mistaken, I had seen it right!!

This time it seems so easy. Last fall I thought I had it in the bag...the weight would slike off, I would have it figured out, etc. I excercised 42 miles in just a little over 4 weeks. I have it well documented! Nope,not one pound lost. None gained, but none lost either.

While Caitlyn was in the bookstore looking around, I decided to vernture over "diet" section. I really didn't have a whole lot of hope, not in the authors, but even my Bible Study that had been so helpful, had not worked. I am VERY serious! I had to commit to excercising, memory verse work, Bible Study, Bible reading, and commiting to doing this thing. The study PROMISED I would lose weitht. With God and my commitments, how could l lose at losing? I did it faithfully. I have it documented and things down in a spiritual journal, and those of you thatknow me, know that I made sure I prayed about it!

SURPRISE, i didn't lose even one pound. How could that be? I mean seroiusly. Frustration did set in, I would be lying if I said otherwise. But, still I prayed. I didn't know what else to do. Over Christmas, New Years, and my daughter's 14th birthday which happens to fall on New Year's, I promised myself to pay VERY close attention to what I ate. I was afraid that having that yummy stuff even in the house would make me gain a pound or 2.

Then there was the trip to the bookstore. We spent a VERY long time in there. I had lots of time to browse through the "diet" books that I was sure didn't have much to offer me, I had already tried with God and I was still not losing any weight. I avoided the scale like the jplague, I had had enough of it. And probably didn't weigh for at least a month, until today. My friend asked me yesterday "Michelle, you look the healthiest I have seen in 10 months, did you lose weight?" I didn't really have an answer (I was avoiding the scale), but I did tell her that I was trying to get healthy for me. (see previous blogs about who I was doing this for), and that maybe I had some advancements in the "mental" department!

With sheer terror and frustration I got on the scale. I was afraid to open my eyes, I'm being serious! I saw the number. Hopped off, said a quick prayer thinking that my eyes had played a ver sad trick on me), and got back on, still much afraid of what I might see. I can't tell you how much weight I have lost, the scale has not been my friend, but I can safely say that I have not been under the 150 mark in years. I was well over 160 when I moved here 4 years ago. And I don't even remember being below 150 for many years. But, today I was well under 150 and just to see the 4 between the 1 and the 0 was enough to make me praise God.

Monday, January 11, 2010

January, 11, 2010

I will take a break from my "lifestyle" cahnge blog and blog about my oldest son. Acrually as tired as I seemed to be when my children were younger, I long for those days again. I don't think things get any harder really as they get older, but what I do think goes on is that they get sooo much more complicated.

I found out on my Birthday (after a few hours of texting my son (It started out as a text to tell me "Happy Birthday"! Let me stop here for a few moments. Number 1-Even if I wanted to "talk" to my son and not text, that would be impossible to do because he "runs" (I am not sure who he calls to run out his "talking" minutes.), out of "talking" minutes, and when I do call to talk, I get "Hi, please text because I have no more minutes left". Therefore if I want to communicate with him, I have to text. Number 2, If you are not familiar withtexting on phones here's a couple of things. First I don't like "codes" of any kind, so I purchased a phone that \has a mini kepboard on it so it would be easier for me to figure out. Second, even though I have the keyboard I am still as slow as molasses in the winter. So, when I say I texted for a few hours, I still didn't get to textmuch or get much in the way of information. Number 3, I have a phone company that is not conected with his at all. So, I will be texting away and hit send and then I get the following message, "The person you are texting willnot receive your text in it's entirety because you are not with the same company". You have to be kidding!?!?

So, I have to redo some of my texts due to the previous reasons above, and finally found out that my son and his fiancee are getting married in 3 days (Dec. 18th). Then I was asking him about his girlfriend, she had had the flu almost all Nov. so I proceded to ask him how she was. He acted surprised at the question. (it went something like this: Me-How's Angel, Dad said she was pretty sick last month? Chris-ummm, sick? Me-(repeated the question onemore time), There was a long pause about 20 or so minutes. i was confused at the long pause because he had been quick to answer until that point. So, I texted him something like-"Should I be expecting a grandchild soon? Antoher pretty long pause. The not knowing was about to kill after another 20 or minutes, I texted him "I will take that long pause a yes. He texted back "Yeah, she is....."

That's how I found out that I had a grandchild on the way. I found out about my new daughter, and my grandbaby all on my birthday, what a day!!

Chris has been a diffucult child. yes, he knows that. Now, due to some "soap opera happenings in CO and with the grandmother that raised our new daughter it looks like they will need to move here!! I am so excited and so petrified all at the same time. He does not have a real easy to find here and in this economy huh, yeah maybe not so much. i prayed for bridgs to be crossed, and I have seen some major changes in my son, but wow, so complicated. Chris has a car that needs to be brought here, I was going to go get him, but he does not have a driver's license, or insurance for the car......I have given him enough money. I will give him love forever! So, to figure out what to do, what to do, what to do........

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

January 5, 2010

Ok, well I got through December! Let me tell you it wasn't that easy!! Learning a lot, finding out that good stress can tire you as easily as bad, and adding two new members to the family....Did I mention turning janoter year older, my son another year older....

So here I am in January. As some of you may know, I am trying to lose weight and I have been trying since September. Not working. So, then I had to figure out why. Sometimes that's not easy and when it comes down to owning up to the "why" that isn't much fun, or easy either!! How is it that I can raise 2 grown sons, and have my 2 daughters in middle school, and let my "schooling" go right out the window. I'l give you such an example. Reading some books and doing research on Diabetes, and weight loss, at the very beginning of the book it asks me a couple of the following questions:

1. Do you have self reguard? (Does that have something to do with crossing the street by myself?)

2. Do you have self assurance?

3. Who are you losing weight for? (my husgand, my kids were all wrong answers!)

A few "have to's were also listed:

1. Organizaation is key. (Has anyone seen my van keys?)

2. You ust have structure.

As you can tell by some of my comments, if this was a test in school I would not have passed. So, I had to send myself back to school. I pulled out my oldest daughters "Children's dictionary", I mean we are talking about going back to elementary school. I had to look up the words "regard", "commitment", "peace" (did you know the synonym for peace is "calm"?), and about 7 other words. So mujch for me bragging about my excellent grades in English class.

So, now I am moving along. I want to control my time, as I have let time control me, and I must love myself enough to stick to this new lifestyle, and get healthy...because, seriously, I deserve it. Better get to doing my reading, orgainziaing my day tomorrow, and putting structure back into my life.....