Thursday, December 31, 2009

Dec. 31, 2009

So Chris, my oldest turned 24 yesterday--his wifeturned 20 today--Caitlyn turnes 14 tomorrow. But, I wrote about that yesterday. I will blog about my new year's resolution. I hate them I am ADD when it comes to making comittments. I am good for.....maybe one day, and in some things that's pushing it.

I don't know why comitting to daily things is so hard for me. Its just another reason I hate the end of year and feel guilty that I haven't done enough!

Spiritually i did great in 2009. Emotionally, mentally, physically, and health wise not so good. My bum leg has had a lot to do with it....I HATE beingo off of it and have gotten into trouble because my leg is swoolen because I choose not to keep it up as much as I should. (that could be its own topic for another blog for later in itself.) I know, I should be very grateful I have both of my legs intact! I tend to 'cruise' along, not paying atention to my diabetic diet, eating what and when I eat, and just do my own thing. I must figure out how to make a true comittment to myself. I love taking care of others. Thats why I have 4 children and don't mind that they are spread out over 12 years. If it was just Chris and Greg, we would have been done by now. But, I am sooo glad that I still have Caitlyn and Jenny. But, they are getting very independant and don't need me as much as they did.

I have belonged to "FlyLady" and online organizational tool on the internet. FLY stands for Finally Loving Yourself. finally loving yourself enough to take of your home, gamily, andyourself. Why is it so hard forme to love myself. Most people will tell you that you can't love others until you love yourself. i disaagree, or I am an exception to the rule. I love to love others. Not so easy to love myslef.

But, it's time for a change. I must ake care of me. Starting with my diet. It has to be completely revamped, I must add excercise, and get my A1C down, my cholesterol, and need to love myself enough to make it a lifetime comittment. so much for a New Year's resolution. The wasiest way to attempt this is to take it in small chunks at a time. Breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, and stop eating right after supper. So, there it New Year's Resolution....that must turn into a lifetime comittment and change. Do I have any cheerleaders out there that would like to encourage me?

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Dec. 30, 2009

I really don't like the end of the year. Not just this year, but any year. I try not to reflect on the past year, but somehow I always do. Makes me sad, like I didn't accomplish enough, do enough, and the list could go on and on. It doesn't help that my oldest daughter turns a year older every Jan1st. I am one of those moms who really doesn't enjoy her children growning older, but at the same time, I don't want them to know that and i on't want my friends to know. The whole idea of having children is to prepare them for the future, to make their own decisions, spread their wings and fly....It's just hard for me to let go.

Today my son turned 24, tomorrow is my new daughter in love's birthday, and Jan. first is Caitlyn's. I wonder what it's like in heaven with ALL eternity behind me and in front of me....I hope I am young enough to enjoy it all! Ha, ha.

I have babied my leg since March. and a second wound on the back since mid October, gained a daughter, and have a granchild on the way. I have also begun my careet as a volunteer for the CPC center in Prescott. My goal is to become a counselor for mom's facing an unplanned pregnancy. i have also come out missing another a cancer scare. Why is it that good stress sucks out the energy just the same as bad stress?

My 24 year old son married his longtime girl friend. They got married on Dec. 18th. On Dec. 15th (my birthday (which really made me another year older) because I am the mom of 4 children, and can sense things, I asked my son if his wife-to-be was carrying my first grandchild. After 20 mintes of no reply (we were texting) I said something to the effect that I considered the long "pause" in our "conversation" a yes. Mymother's instinct (and now my Grandmother instinct!) was right on.

I had to choose as to how I would respond to this news. First, a baby created by God, that in and of itself was enough to fall in love right away! My son and his fiancee have been talking about marriage since that wasn't too surprizing..just didn't have a firm date. We all really, really like this young woman and has been a miracle for our son to have met her. They wanted the baby all along although it's going to arrive less than 38 weeks after they were married. Our son has had difficulty growing up and has made some very major mistakes that's he's going to have to pay for for quite some time. I also must mention that I have been praying for his wife for nearly 24 years, and feel that god has answered quite well. He's so excited to have such a wife and so excited to have this baby on the way. I am grateful we didn't have to go through the adoption route or or the aborion route. For that I am more than grateful. It's taken me some time to soak all this in and might take a little more time as well.

My "big"change that I was so excited aobut in September-ish as usual fell flat on it's face. I wanted to love myself enough to really get my diabetes on track and lose weight. I have a very big God so why do I rely so much on food. I hate it. As you can probably tell I hate change of almost any kind. So, I hate making new year's resolutions, and am going to convice myself that this not a new year's resolution, but a life change, that I am going to take one day at a time. We'll see what the end of next year brings.......

Friday, December 11, 2009

December 11, 2009

Just when I started getting used to Greg moving out, getting a temporary daughter (she went home yesterday), and just sitting down to organize all our December events, God grants me a surprise? Why am I surprised? Rally, by now I should know that just when I think i have a handle on the present God stops and says, rather loudly so He doesn't have to reapeat Himslef (as I have a sreious case of senioritis) "Uh Hem...Michelle, SURPRISE". I should have known, no really I should have known.

Here's the background to this story. My grandfather (My mom's dad) waa born Dec. 24th. it was an awesome celebration, not Christmas Eve, but Granddad's Birhtday. We had lots of soup, clam chowder for G'dad as he loved it, especially my mom's! I was born in Denver Dec. 15th, and met my adoptive parents Dec. 21 when they took me home right after a fresh snow storm. (that's CO) Gary and I got married and so that added G'ma Dee's B-day on Dec. 13th. (Do you see a pattern here? If not stay tuned a little longer!) That would be Gary's moms' birthday. Also when we got married we added Gary's brother Mike's birthday (Dec. 16th) and a cousin on Dec. 14th. (Now, hang in there just a little longer, because it gets evn better! Several years after we were married we added Garys youngest brother's wedding anniversay on Dec. 22. Ooops, a couple of years before Gary's brohter got married our oldest son Chris was born....the date? Glad you aksed...Dec. 30th.

Gary's brother Mike married his wife Faith in 1993. Bedsides Mike's birthday, his wife brought with her her son Kent born Dec. 27th. My brohter, having all birthdays in the spring, decided that they too needed a reason to celebrate in Dec. so they added their oldest daughter on Dec. 27th, also! Now, Seriously, what is the coldest month of the year, lets count backwards from let's say Dec. 15th (it's in the middle of the month, 38 weeks backwards gets us to.......) Gary's youngest brother added their first child, a son on.....Dec. 15th....OK, OK that's enough now. Can you bear with me a few more minutes, I really need to get this off my chest.....(I'd put it on my calendar, but there's not a day that isn't full...)So, then our beautiful daughter arrived Jan. 1st, (yes, you are right it's in Jan. but, count backwards from my oldest son's birthday.....). Chris announced his engagement pretty much while we were there in July....but things needed to be a little more firmed up then...Gary got a text today (this is where God said "Surprise!" to me earlier today). Chris' text to his dad....."Getting married on Dec. 18th"!!! Her name is wonder her Birthday is Dec. 28th, two days before Chris'. Really i should have known.......

So, for now, Jesus has his own special day in our family....maybe i whould start praying very early (now) before we have grandchildren, I am likely to gorget a birthday here and there....

Deacember 10, 2009

Ummm....Too busy today to blog.....

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

My wound adventure, round 2 for 2009

I am not a superstitious person. However, in my life about every 10 years or so something major medically happens. Around my 10th B-day, diagnosed with juvenile onset Diabetes. Age 19, major eye retinopathy, age 29 my kidneys failed. Ahh, a double transplant with a kidney and a pancreas was successfully done! 7 years later, that kidney wore out, 2002, a living donor kidney was received and transplanted. a few years later my pancreas wears out, back on shots, relearning everything Diabetes wise because medical technology has advanced!! And several years later here we are leg wounds. Leg wounds are now my way of life.

March 2009 while on a a vacation trip to San Diego we decide to tour the aircraft carrier "The USS Midway". Gary was on an air craft carrier when we got married. Several time I got the chance to actually run all over that ship!! Only 20 minutes on the Midway and I trip over a knee knocker, hit my right knee and dragggg my left leg over the thing ripping a huge gash in the front of my left shin. An 8 cm X 4 cm major wound. I spent 2 days a week going to wound care in Prescott, AZ getting that thing healed up. Now here we are in Dec. treating a boil (which turned out to be a major cyst, which included a multitude of other cysts).

It has been over a month (Yes I VERY grateful) for 2 weeks of a reprieve, hot showers, and car trip for Thanksgiving to Lawton, OK.). I went today and had this thing dug out, and low and behold another (major) cyst the size of a silver dollar is hiding under my flesh somewhere in the back of the calf of that left leg. No more hot showers for me for several months again. But, I am an expert at taking a bath and if I had to I could get it accomplished if I had to stand on my head. I love water, hot sudsy water to be exact. So, the shower will get a break, I will have my sudsy, hot bath, and wash my hair in the kitchen sink. When there's a will there's a way.

My friend invited me to her "Birthday Club" luncheon today. They are older, wiser women who get together to eat (of course, it's a luncheon), and chat, and best of all laugh. I have learned to love these older women, they have come through some tough time, and survived and gone beyond on tragedies in their own lives. I got used to hanging around these "seasoned" ladies when I attended many women's functions with my mom. i am one of a kind, a stay at home mom! I have been for nearly 124 years. Many women my age must work to help provide for their families, God has blessed me to be able to stay home and be a wife and mom!! I wonder sometimes if I have to stay at home for my family or to care for medical issues that test my strength, humor level, and my trust in God? Whatever the reason, right now this is my challenge.

"I can do ALL things through who strengthens me"

Dec. 9, 2009

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Christmas 2009

Christmas isn't quite here, its only Dec. 8th. i get in the Christmas Spirit a little bit before Halloween. The weather gets chilly (never COLD, it's AZ after all, it got cold EVERY Halloween in CO) and I have to go find the Christmas CD's and start playing Christmas music, much to my husband's dismay!

we went to OK for Thanksgiving and got back the Sunday after Thanksgiving. Gary needed to leave for a business meeting the next day. Our only choice was to set up the Christmas tree the day we arrived home. One of Greg's friends' happened to stop by, so we put him to work decorating the tree. Caitlyn reminded me that one Christmas tradition we had was to always listen to Chrismas music while decorating!!

As I stoped to admire the tree I noticed something. We had Halloween decorations out on the kitchen table that needed to be put away, and we had just arrived home, so there were also Thanksgiving decorations out as well. Did the Ballard's really know what holiday it was?? The story of my life.....

It's December 8th and thankfully we are know it's Christmas time and the home is cozy, a 1/2 inch of snow is on the ground, and we are anxious to Celebrate our Saviour's birth!!